The worst thing ever: My gym trainer and I are on a "break"

Current weight: 265 lbs. as of May 2009, Size 18
Lowest weight: 224 lbs. in November 2008, Size 16/18
Starting weight: 320 lbs. in May 2007, Size 28

WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT HAPPENED?!

I gained 41 lbs. That's what happened. Allow me to provide some context.

I graduated from college in May 2007 and since then got a gym membership, hired a trainer, participated in his 6am cardio boot camp, and as a result lost 96 lbs. So what happened? I am what you call a "weight-fluctuator." In November '08 I reached my lowest weight in my adult years. From November until today I have fluctuated up and down 41 lbs. It's so frustrating to know that if I don't reverse this I could gain all my lost weight back AND then some.

During the last 6 months my trainer Ronny and I have been having "problems." He is an amazing trainer, don't get me wrong. It's me, not him. (Wow, why does this sound like a set-up for a bad relationship break-up?! Haha.) Ronny has been so supportive during these almost 2 years we have been together as trainer and client.

While training with Ronny 5 days a week including his morning boot camps, I commuted from where I live in South San Jose, to my full-time job in San Mateo, and graduate school in Marin County. I was in my car at least 2 hours a day and going up and down the Bay Area at least 3 days a week. Finally it took the decline in the health of my grandparents for me to realize that I was overextending myself. I was going to graduate this Spring but took a leave of absence instead, because I was drowning. While stressing over school projects, work related activities/events, and being with my grandfather in the hospital during his 4 hospitalizations in a 2 month period AND getting through memory clinics for my grandmother's early on-set Dementia, I am surprised I didn't crack sooner. Anyways, maybe that could have been the contributing factor of my 41 lb. weight gain: EXCUSES.

Didn't expect that response did you?

EXCUSES. I learned especially in the last 3 months that no matter what happens LIFE is ALWAYS happening. Before I always placed my health as a top priority and when things got more heavy I pushed that priority to the bottom of my list.

Where does this leave me and Ronny? We are on a break at least for the next two weeks from training. Both of us lost the motivation and spark we once had. Training was no longer exciting but became a chore. Which is sad because at my height I had the ability to leg press 500 lbs. which I have to thank my trainer for challenging me.

My Game Plan:
Since my "break" with Ronny he has been starting some noticible differences in my attitude and my (dare I say) tardiness. I got a new pair of running shoes. I have been sighted at both 24 Hour Fitness and Gold's Gym at home. I commit to running 1 mile every other day. I sleep in my gym clothes so I can get up for morning cardio at the crack of dawn regardless of the time I fell asleep the night before. Don't get too excited. This has only been happening since last Thursday, however I am feeling good. I was so freaked out I bought health prevention magazines and have been watching old episodes of "The Biggest Loser" to re-inspire me again. I even added a "Lose It!" electronic weight loss/exercise journal application for my iPhone. I know it sounds like a lot, but the true test is to see how long I can maintain this postive attitude.

Today I had morning cardio boot camp and showed up on time! It was so rewarding to know that I did make it and got a fantastic workout in the process. I hope this proves to Ronny I am in this for the long haul. I miss the training challenges already.

At this point I can only move forward. I will try to eat as healthy as possible and drink less. WAY LESS. I will follow the "2 F's and 2 D's rule":

NO FAST FOOD (if you do, only the "healthy menu")
NO FRIED FOOD (at all, which is difficult for a Filipino)
NO DRINKS (this includes alcohol, Jamba Juice, and Starbucks)
NO DESSERT (no explanation needed)

However, if for some reason I do slip and eat/drink one of the above I should always realize that it's okay as long as it is in moderation.

MODERATION. I think this word will be my compromise.