Do Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

I started this blog in 2009 as a way to vent but also connect with other folks who were on a journey to a healthier version of them. Originally this blog was about my weight loss journey, but morphed into an on-line therapy support group or ever dare I say it - electronic confessional. Now it is 2017 and I am coming back to the essence of why I started writing in the first place: an opportunity to reflect and hold myself accountable especially to a world of strangers (who eventually actually became my real life friends!).

But enough about that. Why am I back? A new journey for me has started. My husband Donald and I have decided to do whatever it took to start a family - now in our 30s we were in a tougher spot physically both weighing over 300 lbs. We made a heavy decision for our family in 2016 - we decided to pursue weight loss surgery. In a future post, I will dedicate a whole entry as to why we decided to go down this route and it was not a decision that came lightly by any means. There are a lot of emotional, physical, and psychological factors involved including addressing stress, food addiction, and other things that we try to bury by eating food for comfort.

**Disclaimer: I am not encouraging folks to go down this route. This is the journey my husband and I are taking. At the end of the day we will still have to eat well and exercise but in summary it gives us the ability to reboot our bodies.**

My husband weighed 324 lbs. in January 2017. This was the same number that was my heaviest weight. We used 2016 as a year to see if we could lose the weight again. We both had experiences in our 20's losing about 100 lbs each but something happened in our 30s where it was much harder to lose the weight.

I am pretty sure you have questions like: "Wait. Why are you choosing surgery as an option? You lost it before, you can do it again!" or "What's wrong with you? Why can't you finish it?" or "Surgery? Really? Isn't that just an out?" 

Ah yes. Trust me. I had these questions roll through my own head, plus the good old "Wow you are a failure" attitude. Here's the thing: Everyone chooses different journeys towards a healthier life. This one is mine. Is it the end all be all solution? HECK NO. Is it for everyone? HECK NO.  

We never considered weight loss surgery before because we used to be big losers and we could do it again, or so we thought. By the beginning of 2017 we moved to at least exploring what surgery and life post-surgery would be like. My husband I were both tasked to lose about 30 lbs each in order to qualify (among other guidelines - p.s. we had different insurance carriers, therefore different activities related to our programs). Long story short, he lost the weight and had his gastric sleeve surgery in May. Today he is in his 240s and is feeling healthier and more confident.

And then there is me. 
I am 10 lbs away from my goal weight! Yay! Right? Um. No. I have been 10 lbs away since July. What is holding me back from getting to goal? Am I really ready for this surgery? Do I even want it?

Short answer: Do Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

I have many friends in my previous weight loss journey who were inspired by my original journey, lost the weight and kept it off. Now I have other friends who started their weight loss surgery pre-op activities and were inspired by me and lost the weight and now are post-op surgery. Do you see a pattern? I'll connect the dots - I have given my time to other people, places, and things and not dedicating the same focus for me. Now it is the end of September and I am still 10 lbs away. New goal is to qualify for surgery this Fall to have surgery before the end of 2017. Now is not the time to half-ass this process anymore. 

I am not going to try to make time for exercise. I WILL DO.

I am not going to try to eat healthy everyday. I WILL DO.

I am going to try to keep my Sundays open for my meal prep day. I WILL DO.

Simply put: Do Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

I WILL try something NEW everyday.

I WILL take time out every day to sit still.

I WILL achieve my goal by October 31, 2017 because goals without deadlines are just dreams.

I am done with dreaming. #OverIt